


We Deserve a Good Life

by punchbowls



Category: IT (1990), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak and Ben Hanscom-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, Male Friendship, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Period-Typical Homophobia, Suicide Attempt, and not just cause eddie lives i added some scenes, happy ending mother fuckers, it's bc of pennywise bc he sucks dude, kind of, stan is still dead im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25199335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punchbowls/pseuds/punchbowls
Summary: All the members of the Losers Club are good friends with each other. Eddie and Ben particularly understand each other and look out for each other in their special way.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom & Eddie Kaspbrak, Ben Hanscom & Richie Tozier, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, The Losers Club - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	We Deserve a Good Life

**Author's Note:**

> im a sucker for some good eddie & ben friendship and i can never find enough of it so i spent a whole day writing this. i hope you enjoy it <3

Eddie, Ben, and Mike waved as the moving truck drove away from and stayed there on the sidewalk, staring down the street after it was long gone. Eddie felt sick- well, he usually did but this was a different kind of sick. Bill had been his longest friend, and there was a special sick feeling that twisted in his gut to not know if he would ever see Big Bill again. There was a special hurt for each of his friends as they left Derry, one by one. But Bill and Richie's hurt the most and made him feel the sickest, so far. Leaving Ben and Mike was going to hurt too. Maybe if he was lucky he'd slip into some kind of coma not really have to say goodbye. And maybe they'd stay until he woke up and somehow they'd never have to celebrate. But that was drastic thinking, all kinds of things could go wrong, and anyway it'd be scary and mean to Ben, Mike, and his mother.

"Well, I have to be home soon. I'll see you guys tomorrow?" Mike said, wiping his nose with his sleeve and blinking into the afternoon sun. It looked like he was crying, or was about to.

Eddie and Ben both gave their affirmations and soon it was just the two of them. Ben looked like he was about to cry too.

"It'll be alright, Ben," Eddie said. He felt like he was lying.

"No it's not!" Ben didn't quite shout, but his voice was raised. It lowered again and he didn't quite meet Eddie's startled eyes. "It's not. I've never had friends like you guys before. Nobody wants to be friends with me, and nobody ever will. I'm just a fat loser."

"That's not true, Ben! I want to be friends with you always. That's- that's why we're friends. We're losers, together! Besides, being fat isn't all bad. You're pretty strong, I wouldn't have gotten home after crashing my bike if you didn't carry me that one time. Also your body holds more warmth when it's cold, that's like a super power or something." And it's the perfect shape for hugging. Hugs from Ben were always big and soft and the best, but Eddie didn't say that outloud. It didn't seem...  _ Manly  _ enough. Yeah, he and Ben, and the other losers did a lot of things that were considered out of the norm like hugging and holding hands, but Eddie wasn't sure about saying it. He didn't want it to stop if he brought attention to it.

"Ah geez, Eddie, stop."

"But it's true!"

"Maybe-"

"It is."

"Ok, ok, it is, but other kids aren't gonna see me like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

Ben looked at Eddie doubtfully, but Eddie was determined. 

“We see you like that. It might not have been until summer, but we do. We all do. You just have to give people time. It only took some of us so long to see you that way because we just hadn’t met you yet,” he said. “You’re a great guy, Ben.”

“Thanks, Eddie.”

“And if it makes you feel better, I’m gonna write to you every week. I’m going to write to all of you, every week. There’s six of you, so I’ll write a letter every day. I’ll start on Sunday, then mail them all on Saturdays. Even if I don’t have anything to say! I’ll just write, ‘Hey, it’s Eddie Kaspbrak. I don’t have anything new to tell you, but I promised I’d write every week, so hello!’” 

That got Ben to laugh a little, and Eddie smiled. He thought about what Richie had told him once, how he always liked to make people laugh and that was why he did all the voices. Richie was right, of course, it felt good to make people smile and laugh. But Ben’s face sombered again and he looked at Eddie seriously. 

“When you write, I want you to tell me everything,” he said. 

“Ok.”

“Things like what you had for breakfast, or how bad a new medicine tastes. I want you to tell me everything, Eddie. Tell me about your good days and your bad days, all your new friends, and when your mom frustrates you, ok?”

“Ok, Ben.”

“I don’t want to forget anything about you. I’ll do the same. People grow apart when they grow up and I don’t want that to happen to us, I want us to be able to tell each other things like we always do, forever.”

Eddie nodded, he wanted the same.  _ I want us to be able to tell each other things like we always do, forever _ . Eddie sucked in a breath at the words, or at least he tried. He certainly had something he wanted to tell Ben, but he wasn’t sure he could. It was a scary thing, and it was wrong. He didn’t understand why it was, but everyone always said it was.

“Eddie?  _ Eddie! _ ”

Eddie gasped, unsure how long Ben had been saying his name while he was lost in his thoughts. Then he wheezed and Ben reached into his pocket and got him his inhaler. Eddie closed his fingers around it and put it to his lips. 

Ben looked worried as Eddie took a puff and quickly sat on the curb. He sat down next to him. 

“Are you ok? Do… Do you not want to do that? I’m sorry, Eddie, I-”

“No!” Eddie shouted. He sucked down a deep breath. “Sorry, no, Ben, I do want to do that, I really do. I just…” 

The inhaler shook as Eddie’s hands trembled. He shoved them in his pockets and leaned forward against his knees. He swallowed and closed his eyes before he continued. 

“I have something to tell you now- a-a secret and I’m scared you won’t want to be friends anymore if you hear it.” He felt tears stinging behind his eyes and making their way to his eyelids, threatening to squeeze between them and fall.  _ Girly boy _ . 

“Eddie, you can tell me anything!” The smaller boy felt Ben’s hand land on his shoulder. “I won’t stop being your friend. I promise.” 

“Okay.” Eddie’s voice was small. “You know how you told me how you felt about Beverly?”

Eddie felt Ben nod. 

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut even tighter and his next words came out as a whisper. “I- I…. I feel the same way about Richie.” A tear finally worked its way out from under his eyelids and slipped down his face. “I know it’s wrong, but I do. I  _ love  _ Richie.”

He loved Richie, another boy, so much that it hurt and now Ben knew. He waited for Ben’s hand to lift from his shoulder and for him to jerk away, call him gross. Maybe pound him into the pavement. He deserved it. The pounding would hurt less than knowing what Ben probably thought of him now anyway. 

But Ben’s hand never left. It just moved from one shoulder to the other so that in seconds, Eddie was engulfed in a warm, gentle Ben hug. His eyes flew open in surprise, and more tears fell out as a result. 

“It’s  _ not  _ wrong, Eddie,” Ben said, “And I still love you. As a friend. It’s okay, Eddie.” 

“Thanks, Ben.” Eddie’s voice cracked as he hugged Ben back. 

* * *

Ben’s nerves were on end as he waited at the Chinese restaurant, he’d probably drank too much already, but it wasn’t affecting him at all yet. He wasn’t sure if he should be grateful or disappointed. Regardless, he was pouring another one when something of a familiar voice reached his ears. 

“Excuse me, I’m looking for the Hanlon party-,”

Ben turned and his and the other man’s face molded into shock. 

It was Eddie Kaspbrak. 

Ben suddenly felt happier than he had in a long time, and the warmth only grew as he and Eddie exchanged words and hugs. Ben wasn’t exactly sure what he had expected, but Eddie looked good. He didn’t look or seem as fragile as Ben might have thought. He was still the smallest out of them and he had something of a nervous, timid air about him, but he looked put together. Ben wondered about the journey it had taken for Eddie to reach adulthood and suddenly he remembered their promise. Their promise to write. 

Eddie seemed to remember it at the same time and they shared a look, but no words needed to be said. They both regretted and were sorry for it, but of course they forgave each other, since they hadn’t even known to regret it but two seconds ago.  _ It was this fucking curse of a town _ , Ben thought bitterly.

He noticed that Eddie was reserved with his hugs and his touch, like he was scared to really touch them. His arms wouldn’t completely encircle someone else. The rest of the night, Ben made a point to touch Eddie whenever they were close enough. It didn’t take long for them to be reciprocated with Ben, and with everyone. Ben was especially happy when he got the most though. There was much to remember, but there was an unspoken understanding between them. They had exchanged things between each other, even if they couldn’t remember exactly what they were. They came back slowly, some memories easier than others that were more jarring. 

When a voice came from the entryway, and they turned to see Richie Tozier, Ben felt Eddie’s body go rigid beside him. 

_ ‘I know it’s wrong. But I do, I love Richie.’ _

_ ‘It’s not wrong, Eddie. And I still love you. As a friend. It’s okay, Eddie.’ _

Ben squeezed Eddie’s shoulder before they all fell into greeting each other again, and when Beverly arrived, Eddie noticed and said her name first. He was in front of Ben, but Eddie’s hand started to reach back for him to return the gesture. Except Beverly fainted, and Eddie surged forward to catch her. Ben wished he could have, but he preferred Eddie to over anyone else. 

As Beverly made her round of hugs and greetings, Ben caught Eddie looking from her to him. He appreciated it for a second before Beverly got to him and suddenly all his attention was on her. His brain short circuited, he couldn’t bring words to mind, to process everything. She was just perfect. 

But she was kissing Bill soon. He looked to Eddie, but Richie was already exchanging a glance with him and Ben noticed the flush in Eddie’s cheeks. 

In the moment’s that followed, IT was brought up, and Ben was left wondering if maybe Eddie didn’t remember as much of certain things he thought he did. Then the man couldn’t breathe. It reminded him of that first time he met Eddie after escaping Henry Bowers, he had been scared Eddie was going to kick the bucket right then and there. The same kind of electric fear shot through Ben’s whole body again and he ran forward to help his friend, but Eddie ducked away from them all. Even as he gasped for breath, he moved away from them like he was escaping from something. 

Ben’s heart sank, and he was unsure whether he should follow Eddie or give him space. Beverly moved to him though, followed by Richie and he knew Eddie was going to be alright then. He just hoped he, and all of them, would be for whatever the future held.

* * *

The whole evening was overwhelming in the best and worst ways possible. It felt so good to be with them all again, the Losers Club. Eddie felt like himself. He trusted these people, even if he hadn’t seen or thought about them for thirty years. Still, he felt wrong.  _ Girly Boy _ . He tried to keep from hugging and touching too much, but it just came so naturally with all of them. Ben seemed to deliberately try to break his reservations, and he succeeded. Besides, Ben was as manly as they came and  _ he  _ was hugging and touching everyone, why shouldn’t Eddie? He would have anyway, because even without meaning to the losers knew how to break down the barriers he had spent so long putting up, and Eddie was glad of it. 

Of course, every time Richie touched him Eddie was in danger of having to take out his inhaler. He had grown up handsome and just looking at the man took Eddie’s breath away. Richie was just like he remembered and any anxieties he had about him disappeared quickly. Soon they were messing around like foolish idiots, and Eddie hung onto every moment. 

Except for when they started talking about marriages and seeing people. He supposed he already knew Ben wasn’t married, his heart would be stuck on one person for all eternity, even if they couldn’t remember each other. Just like Eddie himself, a voice in the back of his head whispered. Oh god, he wondered how Ben had been growing up. Did he make friends? Did he have people to confide in? Had he felt the same loneliness Eddie had, even when he did have people to talk to? 

When the question of significant others reached him, Eddie suddenly wished he was sitting next to Ben instead of Richie of all people. He felt his cheeks heat up and blamed it on the sweet and spicy chicken before telling an easy lie he was all too used to telling. He felt Ben’s eyes on him afterwards, and knew Ben knew he was lying.

\--- 

Later at the hospital, what was left of the Loser’s Club sat together in the waiting room of the hospital. Beverly was once again between Eddie and Richie, as she had been at the townhouse, only this time her head rested on Richie’s shoulder as she dozed off. Eddie knew she felt conflicted about her feelings between Ben and Bill. Ben was on his left and he felt a little awkward sitting between them. But that was nothing compared to everything else he was feeling. Grief, anger, fear. It took a conscious effort to not reach for his inhaler.  _ He didn’t need it _ . He was sick of taking it out in front of the others, he didn’t want them to think he was weak.  _ Wheezy _ . 

The voice of Pennywise rattled and echoed through his mind, calling him all sorts of awful names from his childhood. Without really thinking about it, he stood up and began walking. He noticed Richie’s legs moving as he moved past, but one of the others got up to follow him instead. He knew it was because they were supposed to stay together, and he supposed he should have been grateful- especially for the reason why they were here now- but tears stung behind his eyes and he didn’t want anyone to see. 

A choking noise worked its way out of his throat as the voice of Pennywise once again echoed through his head. Was that how he- _ IT _ \- got Stan? Was that how IT got to him? Creeping around in his mind until he cracked?

Ben’s voice shouted his name behind him, but Eddie kept going- he was running now. When did he start running? He didn’t know, but it felt good, the burning in his legs and in his lungs. The gym teacher had always said he could run, but his mother never let him. He wanted nothing more than to run, especially now. He wanted to run far, far away. He wanted to get far away from Derry, and far away from all the bad things he felt here. 

He couldn’t run forever though. Maybe Stan was right, maybe there was only one way to escape this place. Stan had never steered him wrong before, and maybe if he could just see Stan again, he could help Eddie understand. 

“ _ EDDIE, STOP! _ ” Ben cried. 

It was the panic in Ben’s voice that yanked Eddie violently from his thoughts. He himself cried out when he realized where he was. Immediately Ben’s strong arms were around his legs and waist and pulled him down from the bridge’s guardrail. 

“Ben?” Eddie choked. 

“Eddie, Eddie, breathe, please, Eddie.” 

Ben handed him his inhaler, but Eddie couldn’t use it, he couldn’t move and his breaths came in sharp wheezes when he saw the figure on the other side of the bridge. He struggled to warn Ben, but no words would come out. Ben turned to see what Eddie was looking at as the clown smiled with sharp teeth. 

It laughed and waved a gloved hand at them. “Almost gotcha,  _ Wheezy _ !” IT said before disappearing behind the trees and bushes.

Above them a cacophony of loud BANGS sounded as a dozen balloons popped. Eddie’s knees gave out and he dropped. Ben barely caught him, and lowered him gently to the ground. Eddie was wheezing hard, and his head felt light. Ben pushed the inhaler into his mouth and pressed for him. 

When he could breathe, a jumble of apologies poured from Eddie’s mouth, interrupted by hiccups. “I’m sorry, Ben, I don’t know what- I don’t know how-why- I just-” They broke off into sobs and Ben pulled Eddie to his chest and held him so close it almost crushed him. Eddie was glad of it, it grounded him in place and pulled him down from wherever he had been.

“I swear I didn’t mean to- I didn’t even  _ know  _ I was up there,” Eddie said with shuddering breaths. He pressed his face into Ben’s chest, still crying. “It almost got me.”

Ben’s arms squeezed tighter around Eddie. “It didn’t, Eddie, It didn’t get you,” he whispered. “It’s not going to get you, I promise.” He repeated the words like a mantra against Eddie’s hair and Eddie felt moisture drop onto his forehead. Ben was crying too. Eddie raised his arms and wrapped them around Ben so that they were holding each other. 

This had been a close shave, too close for comfort (though really, all of it was), and Eddie couldn’t help thinking that Ben was wrong. He was sure that the next time It  _ would  _ get him. He felt safe here under Ben’s strong arms though and in that moment he didn’t want to ever leave. But it wasn’t long before Ben was pulling back. 

“We need to get back,” he said.

He was right, and Eddie nodded. 

Ben helped Eddie up and didn’t let go of him as they started the walk back. He kept one arm around his shoulder and Eddie slid one around his waist so that they walked back in the way they often did as kids. 

The outlines and beginnings of features of Beverly and Richie could be seen in the brightening sky as the sun started it’s climb to the horizon. They were calling for them and Ben shouted to get their attention. Richie sprinted to them, Beverly on his heels. 

“What the hell happened you guys? Where’d you go?” Richie asked, grabbing onto Eddie’s free arm. Beverly did the same with Ben. 

Ben looked at Eddie, who couldn’t bring himself to look up at any of them. His mind was still reeling from what had just happened and his eyes stayed settled on the piece of pavement before them. He was aware he was trembling, and no doubt Ben and Richie could feel it, but he didn’t care. 

“We had a run in with It,” Ben said quietly. “C’mon, let’s get back inside. Where’s Bill?”

“Still inside,” Beverly answered.

“Any updates on Mike?”

“Nothing yet.”

\---

Eddie woke and jerked his head up from Richie’s shoulder. 

“You alright there, Spaghetti Man?” 

“Uh- yeah, I- oh gee, sorry Rich,” Eddie started as he wiped drool from the corner of his mouth and noticed it on Richie’s jacket.

Richie just snorted and threw an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him back down again. Eddie relaxed against him and watched Bill’s shoes as he paced up and down the hall. 

“What time is it?” Eddie asked. 

“Six-thirty,” Bill answered. He had kept meticulous track of the time since they had all been sent to the waiting room hours ago. 

“You slept ‘bout twenty minutes,” Richie said. 

“Hm.” Eddie folded his arms against his chest.

A second later, Richie was working his way between his arm and side to hold his hand and Eddie looked up at him. Richie was looking at him with concern welled in his eyes. 

“You want to tell me what happened earlier?” he asked. 

Eddie looked down and curled his fingers around Richie’s. “It…” he shrugged lightly, and finished tiredly, “It almost got me.”

Richie leaned down and Eddie felt him press a kiss onto his head. His heart raced and looked back up at Richie, startled. He didn’t miss the regret and shame that flickered across Richie’s face before he let go of Eddie’s hand.

“Thought that would distract you,” he said. His chuckle was forced. 

No more than two seconds passed before Eddie made his decision. It didn’t matter that Bill was right there or that a nurse or doctor could walk through any second. Stan was dead, Mike might be dying, Eddie had almost. They were probably all going to die here anyway, so who cared? Eddie put a hand on the back of Richie’s neck and pulled him closer until their lips touched. He moved them together too fast and their teeth clacked against each other, but after Richie’s initial shock they melded into the best kiss Eddie had ever had. 

Of course it was his first, but it was better than anything he’d ever imagined. He could taste a mixture of leftover alcohol and cinnamon toothpaste on Richie’s mouth and he could smell Richie’s soap and shampoo and it was the  _ best  _ thing he’d ever experienced. When they pulled apart, Richie looked into his eyes with a dazed wonderment. Eddie’s heart fluttered and butterflies swarmed in his stomach. 

“Richie Tozier, you take my breath away,” Eddie whispered. 

“Guess I owe you an inhaler,” Richie replied. 

They both giggled and pressed their foreheads together, unable to take their eyes away from the other’s. 

Bill stopped before them with his hands on his hips, and they looked at him. 

“It’s ab-b-bout  _ damn  _ time,” he said, “I’m sad we couldn’t spend the last thirty years altogether, but I don’t think I could have taken the pining that long.”

“Oh shut  _ up _ , Bill,” Richie scowled, but grinned and Eddie looked at him in surprise. 

“Wait- Richie. Richie, you-you too?” 

“Since the fourth grade, Spaghetti Man.”

“Too chicken to say anything, ever,” Bill said. 

“Oh my  _ God _ .” They said it together, but Richie’s was exasperated while Eddie’s came from joyous surprise. 

Richie and Eddie were still close when they turned to face each other again. Richie looked like he would kiss Eddie again, but Eddie smiled and pushed his head away. 

“You still don’t get to call me ‘Spaghetti Man,’ you jerk,” he laughed. 

“You’re such high maintenance,” Richie whined playfully. 

Before more could ensue, the heels of a nurse clicked down the hall and their attention immediately returned to Mike. Sure enough, she was there to give them his situation. Eddie jumped up and ran out to get Ben and Beverly. 

The sight he saw when he found them made him grin before calling them in. 

* * *

Ben followed the sound of Richie’s shouting through the caverns.

“Eddie!  _ Eddie!  _ We killed IT, it’s okay! Eddie!”

Richie’s cries became more frantic as Eddie came to view, and the sight of Eddie made Ben’s stomach flip. He lay prone where they left him, only now blood was pooling on the ground under him.

“It’s okay, Spaghetti Man, you’re gonna be alright,” Richie said, ripping his jacket off and replacing Beverly’s with it against Eddie’s side. Beverly held it to Eddie’s side as Richie took Eddie under the arms, and Ben grabbed his legs. Eddie barely registered the pain he had to feel with all their jostling and moving and Ben wished he would. He didn’t want to see Eddie in pain, but at least that would mean he was alive.

“Richie…” Eddie coughed weakly, “For the last time… I told you not to call me that…. You know how I….”

“Eddie? Eddie, no, NO.” 

Somehow, Richie got Eddie into a bridal carry by himself and was moving as fast and as determinedly as he could. When they got out, Ben jumped into the driver’s seat of the car and started it as Eddie and Audra were loaded inside. The doors had barely been pulled shut when he punched the gas. 

_ It’s not going to get you, I promise. _

Ben sailed miles over the speed limit and the tires smoked as he slammed on the brakes in front of the hospital doors. He was going to keep his promise. He had too. Beverly vaulted out of the car to get help, while Ben moved to help Richie with Eddie. Doctor’s came with stretchers that they loaded Eddie onto and carted him away with. More doctors and nurses came for Bill’s wife. Bill was allowed to go with them, but Ben had to hold Richie back from where they took Eddie. 

It was one of the hardest things he’d done. Richie writhed in his arms and hit him, demanding to let him go and screaming for Eddie. Ben wanted to let him go, he wanted to so badly, and he wanted to follow Richie in there to make sure Eddie was alright. But there was nothing they could do now, it was all in the hands of the doctors. So he held Richie until the struggling stopped.

“I  _ hate  _ this fucking town, and _ I hate that fucking clown _ !” Richie shouted through his tears. 

Ben let go of him and Richie immediately kicked a random cart of empty bottles and old syringes. 

“ _ Fuck! _ ” Richie shouted. He pressed his palms to the side of his head and squeezed his eyes shut. A few deep, shuddering breaths later, he opened them again and looked at Ben. 

“Sorry for hitting you,” he croaked, voice raw with emotion. 

“It’s alright, Richie,” Ben said. He clapped a hand around Richie’s shoulder and squeezed. “Let’s go to the waiting room.”

“ _ Fuck _ the waiting room,” Richie said, but let himself be led that way anyway.

“Yeah,” said Ben, “Fuck the waiting room.”

“Shit,” Richie said as they reached the end of the hall, “ _ Mike _ . Someone’s gotta tell Mike that It’s dead.” 

“You know where his room is?” Ben asked. 

“Yeah. You coming?”

“No, you go ahead. I… I need a minute.”

Richie looked at him solemnly and nodded before going off to find Mike. Ben heaved a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and walked back to the waiting room by himself. Shakily, he fell into one of the chairs and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and head in his hands. His head ached and his body was sore all over. 

He heard shoes on the cold tile of the floor approaching, but he didn’t look up. Beverly sat down next to him. Her hands had traces of water on them from washing Eddie’s blood from her hands. How many times had she had to wash blood from her hands since they’d arrived? He lifted his face to look at her.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Are you?” She looked at him with eyes that would see through any lie he said. 

“No. Not yet anyway.”

“Eddie’s going to be okay,” she said. She put one arm around his shoulders and took his hand in hers.

_ "It'll be alright, Ben," Eddie said. _

_ “No it’s not!” _

“Is he, Bev?” Ben asked. Tears welled up in his eyes and he leaned into Beverly. She held his face in her hands and kissed his tears away though her own were falling. He wiped them away with his thumb. 

“We have to believe he will be,” she said. 

Ben swallowed and nodded. Together, they held each other and believed as hard as they could. Ben didn’t know how long it was that they sat there together. They got up and moved around when they started to cramp up. Richie joined them again at some point and once or twice it was suggested to go back to the hotel. But none of them left. 

There was no way Richie was leaving the hospital, and Ben didn’t want to leave him alone so they all waited. Bill came to sit with them and updated them on Audra’s condition before they fell back into silence and waited some more. 

Ben was the first to wake as a nurse cleared her throat. He bumped his elbow into Richie, where the other man was sleeping against his shoulder. Beverly was on his other side, but Ben didn’t jostle her. Richie was up immediately, and even quicker to his feet. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but for once no words came out. He shut it again and Ben woke Beverly and Bill to hear the news too. Eddie was alive, there had been many times where they almost lost him- his heart had stopped beating at one point during surgery, but he was as well as he would be for now. He was in a medically induced coma, and even when he came out of it, it might be a while before he woke up. They had done what they could and his body was working with help, and should heal properly, but he had been through a lot of trauma and couldn’t guarantee that he would wake up. 

Beverly stood up and intertwined her arm with Richie’s as the nurse spoke all this information. Ben exchanged a glance with Bill, both thinking the same thing: the doctors and nurses didn’t know half the trauma. 

“Can I see him?” Richie asked.

“They’re moving him from the operating room to one of his own. Someone will come and get you when he’s settled,” the nurse said. 

Ben and Bill stood up as the nurse walked away and they, along with Beverly, engulfed Richie in their arms and he clung to them. 

Thirty minutes later, a nurse came to tell them that two could visit Eddie at a time. Richie of course, would be one of the first. All of them walked to the door together, but Richie froze several steps from the door. 

“Rich?” Beverly asked. 

“I don’t know if I can do this guys.”

“Hey,” Bill said gently, taking Richie’s hand, “Eddie needs you.”

Richie looked at him, then to the door, and nodded slowly. Bill nodded back and led Richie into the room. When time had slugged by, and it was Ben and Beverly’s turn to go in, Ben wasn’t sure he wanted to go in either. But he did, and he knew instantly that he didn’t want to be there. It was wrong. 

All the times Eddie had told him about when his mother took him to the hospital and he had to be hooked up to all kinds of things, Ben had never imagined the image in front of him. Of course, Eddie himself, looking for all the world like he was dead didn’t help either. The only indication that he was alive was the steady beep of a heart monitor. Ben tried to take comfort in it, but couldn’t. Eddie’s face was paler than he had ever seen it except for the dark circles under his eyes, several IVs were hooked to his arms, and tubes were feeding him oxygen through his nostrils.

At the same time Ben and Beverly pressed into each other for comfort. No words came to express how they felt, but they composed themselves and stepped to Eddie’s bedside. Ben’s hand shook as he reached for Eddie’s, he let it hover just above, trembling, and scared to touch Eddie. He looked so fragile and Ben was scared he’d break him more.

Beverly’s hand met his and gently pushed it down to Eddie’s and they held it together. 

“We have to believe,” she whispered. 

Ben swallowed the lump in his throat. “We believe in you Eddie,” he said. 

“We killed IT. IT’s gone for good, forever now,” Beverly added. 

Ben choked back a sob and knelt at the bed. He pressed his forehead to Eddie’s hand as he cried. “IT’s gone now, Eddie, don’t let it take you now. I know I promised you, but I can’t do anything more. It’s up to you now. You have to pull through, Eddie.”

His words went unanswered. Eddie’s face was slack and his hand was limp in his. Beverly knelt next to Ben and they folded into each other again. 

\---

Four days later, Ben was sitting in Eddie’s room, head propped up against his hand. Beverly had managed to get Richie to return to the hotel for a second time to get him to shower. 

“Eddie’s going to hate it when he wakes up you’re filthy. Go take another damn shower, Richie,” she had said. 

Once she got him out, Ben knew she’d take him somewhere to eat and breathe something other than the stale air of the hospital. Richie would grumble the whole time but Bev wouldn’t take any shit. He smiled slightly against his fist as he thought of her and the future they had talked about briefly. Their future  _ together _ .

Ben’s head jerked upward as he nodded off for the third time and straightened out in the chair. He rubbed a kink from his neck and looked at Eddie’s hospital bed. The warmth from his dozing dreams faded as he looked at his friend. 

But then Eddie moved. 

Ben watched in disbelief as Eddie’s fingers twitched ,then made a fist, then opened again. Eddie moved his head from side to side and made a small, barely audible noise. Ben leaned forward in the chair.

“Eddie?” he whispered. 

A small cough shifted through Eddie’s body before his eyes blinked. He stared at the ceiling through half lidded eyes. 

“Eds?” Ben repeated, a little louder. 

Eddie’s lips moved, slow and awkward, and he worked his throat. No words came out, and seemed to settle for something resembling a weak grunt. 

“Hang on there, buddy, I’m gonna get you some water.” 

After having a couple sips of water, Eddie squinted at the ceiling and looked at Ben. His movements were slow and groggy, but Ben was still shocked with happiness that he was awake. 

Eddie sighed and swallowed. He squinted at Ben, then closed his eyes again. 

“Don’t call me Eds,” he said in a whisper. 

Ben couldn’t help the laugh that followed. “Sure thing, Eddie, sure thing.”

\---

“Give me that paper and a pen- hurry up!” Eddie said. 

“It’s coming, it’s coming, geez, Eds,” Richie said. 

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie replied. 

They bickered more as the other Losers laughed at them. 

“What do you want with these anyway?” Richie asked. 

“I gotta write all those letters I promised thirty years ago.”

“Oh my god, Eddie, it’s a little late,” Richie said.

Eddie ignored him and scrawled something short on each of the papers. 

“What the hell are you writing so fast?” Richie leaned forward to see, and Eddie yanked them away.

“None of your business!” Eddie said and swatted Richie. The Loser’s laughed even more and Eddie found it harder to keep a grin off his face.

“One of those better be addressed to me, you promised Spaghetti Man!”

“I told you not to call me that with what could have been my dying words!” Eddie protested as he wrote on the final piece of paper and handed them to Bill. “ _ You _ pass them out.”

“Hm, mine says ‘I love you,’” said Bill as he passed everyone their letter. 

“As does mine,” said Mike.

All the losers confirmed their letters said ‘I love you,’ and by the time Bill passed Richie his letter, Eddie was grinning wider than the horizon. 

Richie put on his best Richie voice and announced, “Mine says, ‘Fuck You.’”

Eddie dissolved into giggles with the rest of them and Richie shook his head, unable to hide the grin on his face. He had such a nice smile. It was better when it was pressed against Eddie’s though, so Eddie pulled him closer and kissed him. 

“I love you,” he said, rubbing their noses together. 

“I love you too, Eddie,” Richie replied. 

\---

Later the Losers had dispersed to their own things for a bit, and Ben pushed Eddie on a wheelchair through the hospital courtyard. Eddie couldn’t help wincing every time he moved and the nurses said it would be a long time before the pain dulled. He was certainly going to feel it for the rest of his life. 

But he could deal with it, he thought-  _ he knew _ . Especially now as he talked with Ben about their future plans. Ben and Beverly were going to wrap up loose ends in their lives and move somewhere nice together. They hadn’t figured out where yet, and they liked it like that. 

“We’re probably going to travel for a little bit and see where we like. If we can’t decide, we’ll throw a dart at a map,” Ben said. 

“That sounds wonderful, Ben. You guys’ll be happy wherever you end up.”

“Yeah. I’d be happy anywhere with Bev. Richie said you’re moving to California with him?”

Eddie nodded with a smile. “Yeah. He’s going to come with me back to New York to get my stuff and then we’re headed out to the West Coast. It’s going to be the farthest away from my mother I’ll ever have been.” It only just dawned on him as he said it. It felt great. “God, she’s really going to have a fit.”

“Let her have it,” Ben said. 

“I think I will. It might be heartless but… I’ll be glad to never see her cry again.”

“Eddie, she cries so that you feel bad for her and do what she wants. There’s nothing heartless in being happy to get away from that.”

“You’re right,” said Eddie with a smile.

“You don’t seem too anxious about it.” 

Eddie shrugged. “We killed a demon-monster-alien thing and I deserve to live a good life after that. I think I can say ‘No’ to my mother.” 

Ben grinned and gripped Eddie’s shoulders. “You’re damn right.”

\---

When Mike and finally Eddie had been released from the hospital, the Losers spent another week in Derry, just to be with each other. While they all wanted to get out of Derry, they had earned time together and it felt good to do it there. It sealed their victory, and it was sweet. Already, something felt different about the town, but maybe that was because so much love surrounded them all. Audra had finally returned to herself after some stunt Bill pulled on his old bike, Eddie had Richie, Ben had Beverly, and Mike had all of them again and a new sense of freedom now. 

On their last day, they walked the length of the town, revisiting all their old hide outs and hang outs. This time they really felt good about it. All the heavy weight had been lifted and they could breathe. Bill mentioned this in a beautiful way, which Ben tried to one up by making it into poetry and they all laughed. 

"Speaking of breathing," Eddie said as they approached the bridge. He took his inhaler from his pocket and turned it over in his hand. "I don't think I'll need this ever again."

His voice had a finality to it and he chucked as hard as he could. It sailed so far through the air that they couldn't hear the splash it made when it hit the water. The Losers cheered and Ben picked up Eddie and threw him over his shoulders to parade him down the street with the others hooting and hollering around them. People stared as they passed, but none of them cared. 

They were all safe, and they were all happy.

**Author's Note:**

> also obviously they all remember and actually all end up living close enough to each other where they alternate between each couple's house for a weekend every month. they enter the 21st century or whenever the hell the term 'aro/ace' surfaced and mike realized that's what he is and also he just travels fucking everywhere. he's been out of the country a few times, but he mostly roadtrips around the states and absorbs as much history and random facts as he can and has the time of his life bc it's what he deserves. when he takes a break from traveling he always stays at one of the losers' houses for a couple months and they all fight over who he stays with next.


End file.
